


how does it feel to leave me this way

by bubblegumbrunette



Category: Quantico (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-10
Updated: 2016-03-10
Packaged: 2018-05-25 23:19:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6214183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bubblegumbrunette/pseuds/bubblegumbrunette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His next assignment though entailed him to travel down to Georgia to aid on a case, he didn't mind that it was Georgia specifically, the part he was being sent to happened to be Augusta. Now Augusta, Georgia is a big place so that didn't necessarily mean that he'd bump into Shelby at any point during his week stay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	how does it feel to leave me this way

He felt frustrated, his bed sheets were too soft and his room was stifling hot. The open window was slowly lessening the tight feeling in his chest yet the noise from the streets only piled onto his frustration that was sat heavily in his chest. Caleb just wanted to sleep, when he closed his eyes all Caleb could see was the email Shelby had sent to his father about still being in love with him. He switched from lying on his side to lying flat on his back, huffing out a sigh as images of Shelby being brought in cuffed flooded his mind.

Giving up on sleeping Caleb sat up as the same feeling of terror washed over him the day that the FBI's command centre had been bombed, he'd been a block or so away when the building had started to cave in on itself. During the chaos, he felt as if he'd been frozen to the spot on the pavement. His actions had felt slow even to him as he rushed to the site of the explosion. He hadn't expected to see the command centre as the target and all he remembered going through his head was needing to find Shelby to see that she's okay.

Aside from a couple cuts and a few bruises, Shelby had been lucky to escape with her life. Even if she was stubborn enough to stay behind and help pull people out while the possibility of… of… Caleb couldn't even think of what could have happened if she hadn't been pulled out by somebody else. Three months and two weeks since that day and Caleb still had the same paralysing terror crawl up his spine in the middle of the night while feeling sick to his stomach at the very real and close call of almost losing Shelby.

"What have you done to me?" he murmured into the empty bedroom, like every night before.

* * *

 

Caleb had been getting his updates about the court hearing regarding Elias's involvement with the bombs that shocked New York through whatever aired on the news and anything his mom shared when they had time to meet up but today he'd been only down the street from the courthouse. He hadn't consciously intended to be in the area, he'd just been… feeling like something was _missing_.

Shelby walked down the street in his direction, not entirely spotting him. Caleb didn't know what Shelby would have done if she had spotted him before heading down the street. "Hello Shelby," He said, he noted the surprise on her face.

Shelby looked like she was doing well compared to the last time he saw her being pulled from the burning command centre. Shelby stopped in front of him. "Caleb," she said "I didn't know you were going to be here, I've got to-"

"-You've got to what?" Caleb asked interrupting her, he felt a sense of relief seeing her well and there was still that angry and jealous monster inside of him clawing at his insides making him feel hot and irritated at the thought of her and his dad.

"I've got to go," Shelby said as she looked everywhere but at him directly "My flight leaves in a couple of hours." She crossed her arms over her chest as if she was protecting herself.

Caleb nodded his head softly "You're leaving?" he asked, it sounded ridiculous once it was out of his mouth because of course she was and it was none of his business these days anyway.

Shelby shrugged as she looked at him properly for the first time since the conversation had started "I've done my bit for the hearing," she said "there's nothing left for me in New York now." She smiled sadly at him.

Caleb wanted to open his mouth and tell her that she did have something in New York, which was standing right in front of her. Another part of him was still bitter about being told that she loved him and that was why she couldn't _be_ with him but his dad was good enough to… to… some part of him would never be able to forgive her for that. "See you around Wyatt," Caleb said instead.

Shelby looked like she was studying him for a moment as she bit her lip and a small frown appeared on her face before she ducked her head and said "I doubt that," and then added "have a good life, Caleb." And just like that Shelby walked past him leaving Caleb feeling like he had been shattered all over again.

* * *

 

Life seemed to go on for Caleb after that run-in with Shelby. Everyone around him was still healing from the events that had transpired and Caleb supposed he was still healing himself. Losing his dad had sent him through a wide range of emotions three months ago, it just felt like Caleb was putting his life back together quicker than the others. Ryan had thrown himself into his work since the hearing had finished, Alex was in therapy because of her obvious paranoia about everything being a conspiracy, Natalie was flying through her case load at the bureau, Simon was as distant as ever, Nimah and Raina's relationship seemed as strained as ever which just left Shelby and it sort of hurt to not know how she was coping with everything.

Caleb settled on a bar stool and motioned for the bartender "Parrish," he said "we need to stop meeting like this." He added as he accepted his beer from the bartender.

Alex looked up from her empty tumbler "Caleb," she said sounding tired "what do you _want_?"

"What you want," he said as he inclined his head to the side as he turned to look at her, a couple bar stools over to his right "a quiet drink after a long day at work."

Alex's gaze was fixed on him "I've seen you more in the last week than I have the last couple of months," she commented sounding like she was trying to figure him out "out of all the seventeen hundred or so bars in New York City, we coincidentally happen to frequent the same one?" she asked and quirked an eyebrow "cut the bullshit Haas."

Caleb took a pull from his bottle before holding his hands up in a mock surrender "Who said anything about there being an ulterior motive?" he asked.

Alex fixed him with _that_ look that Caleb knows so well as Alex's silent way of saying cut the bullshit.

Caleb sighed as he turned his body fully. "Shelby," he said "have you heard from her?"

"Shelby?" Alex scoffed "Since everything that came out in the papers you wouldn't think she even knew I existed." There was something in her tone akin to regret.

Caleb remained silent; he remembered how badly the press had hounded her outside her apartment and how he went weeks with seeing her face on the front of the papers delivered to his house. He'd felt a sinking feeling in his stomach once he'd learned that Shelby had decided to move back to Georgia again.

"Yeah," Caleb breathed "I get that."

Alex looked at him "Why do you want to know if I've heard from Shelby? After everything with your father I would have thought-" she said.

"-You would have thought that I'd hate her? Never want to see her again? Want to see her career in ruins?" he asked defensively before he rolled his eyes "yeah, I would have thought that too. Clearly something is wrong with me."

"You still love her," Alex stated.

Caleb took a pull from his beer once more, avoiding the statement for a moment. "I wish I didn't," he admitted "sometimes it's easy to just pretend Quantico didn't happen."

"I'll drink to that," Alex said as she motioned at the bartender for her tumbler to be filled once more.

* * *

 

The next two weeks are spent investigating somebody the bureau had suspected to be planning an attack, it kept Caleb busy and his mind occupied which helped him to sleep at night. The only problem is the suspect is nothing more than an extremely weird guy with some questionable views and opinions which had landed him on a suspect watch list with the FBI.

His next assignment though entailed him to travel down to Georgia to aid on a case, he didn't mind that it was _Georgia_ specifically, the part he was being sent to happened to be Augusta. Now Augusta, Georgia is a _big_ place so that didn't necessarily mean that he'd bump into Shelby at any point during his week stay. Not that he would mind if he did but if their last meeting had told Caleb anything then it was that he still had strong feelings towards her but they're clouded by everything that had happened between her and his father.

The quickest way for him to get to Georgia had been to take a plane as it took him less than two hours whereas driving had him possibly driving for the most part of a day. The plane ride had Caleb tapping his foot restlessly, he wasn't exactly too sure why he was so nervous. The sooner he could help and hopefully close the case then he could get out of Georgia for good. He had goose bumps arise on his arms.

Walking through the airport to exit, he found a man with a sign with his name scrawled across it.

"Caleb Haas," he said "Bureau?" he asked.

The man nodded "Here to give you a lift to headquarters," he said, his voice had that southern drawl.

"Lead the way," Caleb said as he fell into step with the man.

* * *

 

The case occupied most of Caleb's time but he still found himself wandering around Augusta on his lunch break or after he'd called it a day, wandering, looking… it was a long shot. Caleb _knew_ her address so he did have the option of just turning up on her doorstep but that just seemed… well, Caleb didn't see that as an option.

It would be like showing Shelby that after everything he'd said to her to make her think he didn't like her anymore that it was all meaningless. At the time he'd meant every word he'd said because he'd been hurt, angry and his pride had taken a bit of a knock.

Once enough evidence is gathered for the bust, they gear up in the FBI jackets and head to the shop in the middle of Augusta that is supposedly a base of operations for a drug ring. It all goes somewhat smoothly, Caleb supposed the element of surprise had worked for their side this time which is always a win. It's when the cuffed guys are being loaded into the vehicles to be taken down to the station that he sees her on the street.

Shelby looked startled for a moment before giving him an acknowledging nod of the head and turning round and walking back up the block.

* * *

 

This was a bad idea, not exactly one of the _worst_ one's he's made in the past but it's still a very bad idea. He's pacing outside the front door or at least he hopes this is the front door. The house is huge. Caleb paused his pacing, he could just go right now and she'd never know about the internal struggle he was having. Or he could… o-kay why did he do that? Why did he have to go ahead and push the doorbell? He hadn't thought through all of the possible options properly and here he was, unannounced on her doorstep.

The door is pulled open and Shelby stands there looking surprised. Caleb seemed to be having that effect on her recently apparently. "Caleb," she said "what are you doing here?"

"Is that any way to talk to your guest?" Caleb asked falling back on his charm while his feet feel like they are rooted to the ground. Once he feels like he can move without making a fool of himself he walked straight past her and into her home.

"Guest," Shelby repeated "Caleb-"

Caleb turned to look at her "What you didn't think you'd be seeing me again?" he asked.

"No," Shelby answered "why would I?" she asked.

Caleb shrugged "The world can be a pretty small place," he commented as he followed Shelby through her home and out to the garden, which stretched out for as far as Caleb could see.

"You're the one that turned up on _my_ doorstep," Shelby said "Caleb what are you doing here?"

Caleb looked at her; she was leaning against the door frame to the kitchen. "I," he said and then he didn't know what he could say "I'm just dropping in on a… fellow person."

Shelby shook her head with a scoff "Did you come by to make me feel bad?" she asked "because I don't feel bad enough as it is? I hurt you and I hate myself for it every day, that affair should've never happened and I regret it every day and I ruined my career over something that I wasn't even sure about at the time!" she ranted all in one breath.

"Make you feel bad?" Caleb asked feeling slightly offended that Shelby would think that was his sole purpose of turning up "Is that what you really think of me? I _wanted_ to see you, I shouldn't do but I did. How do you think I feel after everything you've done and I _still_ can't forget you? Back in New York you completely disregarded me, you couldn't even look at me!" he shot back.

"Do you blame me?" Shelby asked her voice rising "I'm ashamed!" she all but shouted at him "how can I not be? I'm here, I'm alive and your dad is… I couldn't help him. After everything I did to you and to your _mom_ and I couldn't save him for you."

Caleb shook his head "I don't care about that," he said "do you know how scared I was when that bomb went off and I found out you were still inside the command centre? I was petrified and when you were being dragged out kicking and screaming about saving all those other agents, I was _relieved_ because _you_ were okay."

Shelby went from looking defensive to vulnerable in a matter of seconds. "Caleb," she said softly "I wasn't just in there trying to save others, I was in there trying to save you too. The last time I'd seen you were in the centre and I thought you were still in there." She explained.

"How do you think I would've felt if you'd been seriously hurt or worse?" Caleb asked unable to process what she had just said "I would've been devastated Shelby. And you don't care-"

"-I don't care!?" Shelby asked in surprise "of course I care! I always have Caleb!"

"I was going to say that you don't care about keeping yourself safe," Caleb said "I… there had been a couple of seconds where I thought you were lost for good. My world was dark, I felt sick and then I see you being pulled out and everything I was _happy_. Happy for a second before I realised the circumstances to which I almost lost you to."

Shelby's eyes shone with unshed tears "Why are you telling me this?" she asked.

Caleb took a step towards her as the evening sky above them started to fade from blue to a light pink "For the same reason you told Clayton that you wanted to end it," he said, the email still imprinted in the front of his mind.

Shelby's mouth fell open "You _saw_ that?" she asked.

"He asked me to scrub his emails and your phone, remember?" Caleb said with a quirk of his lips.

Shelby shook her head "Caleb," she murmured.

Caleb could feel the change in the atmosphere between them just like that day they were undercover on the mission at Quantico.

"I don't know why I'm here," he admitted "I don't know why I can't stop thinking about you…"

"Caleb," Shelby repeated once more as she stepped towards him " _shut up_ already." And then she grabbed a handful of his shirt and kissed him. It was all so painfully familiar to all the other times they've done this, her hands roaming around his jaw and his hands holding her to him.

When they parted for air, there was a moment of silent communication between them before Caleb practically pulled his shirt over his head and Shelby had stepped out of her dress.

* * *

 

He bent down to pick up his fairly rumpled shirt off of the ground.

"I'm sorry," Shelby said softly as she pulled her dress on once more.

Caleb didn't look at her initially as he focused on smoothing down the front of his shirt. "For what?" he asked.

"Everything," she said "it's all a big mess and I'm sorry I put us here."

Caleb nodded his head curtly "It takes two to tango," he said "I wouldn't take all the blame if I were you."

"This can't happen again," Shelby said softly "I meant what I said in New York, Caleb. You deserve a nice good life."

Caleb coughed and nodded his head "I know," he said "I've got to go; I'm heading back to New York in a couple of hours so…"

Shelby nodded her head "I'll see you out," she said, her tone oddly distant.

* * *

 

Getting back into the swing of things in New York took time, seeing Shelby had been both good and bad. Good in the sense that he got everything he wanted to say off of his chest and bad because it only happened to make the strange tightness in his chest whenever he thought of her all that more tight.

"I read about Georgia," his mom said over dinner one night "I'm glad that's one less drug ring on the streets."

Caleb smiled tightly at his mom "Yeah," he said, Georgia brought back flashbacks of Shelby's back garden and the breathy little moans that elicited goose bumps along his arms.

* * *

 

It's the middle of the night and his phone is buzzing like crazy on his bedside table, reaching his hand out blindly he clicks around on the screen until it stops and he puts the cold phone to his ear. "What is it?" he asked already half asleep again.

There's sirens in the background. "It's Shelby," Alex breathed down the phone, she didn't sound too well.

Caleb sat up in his bed more alert than before "What?" he asked "what's happened? Is she okay? Alex!" he rushed out as he got out of bed and started pulling on the clothes he'd left on his bedroom floor.

"Bomb squad are here and they're… they're going to do their best," Alex said and Caleb's heart stopped for a brief second at her words.

His pulse was sky rocketing, he could feel it. "What do you mean bomb squad are there and Shelby's in Georgia… where are you? What's going on?" he asked.

There's silence on her end except for the rush of wind and sirens mixed together. "She's here in New York, the real bomber contacted me… Shelby's… Caleb, she's attached to a bomb." Alex said.

"Text me the address," he ground out "I'm on my way."

Caleb probably broke a couple speed laws on his way to the scene but Shelby's life was in danger and his worst fears were coming to light. He couldn't lose… Shelby's too important to him. Caleb was in the right place of mind to track down the person himself but right now the spine tingling fear was pushing him to go faster to get there quicker and he did.

He parked his car in the mass of other FBI cars and rushed through the crowd of other special agents where he could see Shelby with a member of the bomb squad and a good portion of space was between the two of them and other agents. He flashed his badge and manoeuvred his way through to her.

"I'd advise against that Mr. Haas," a bomb squad specialist said.

Caleb fixed him with a look "That is the girl I love," he said "there is no way you're going to stop me." And then he made his way over to Shelby.

She looked scared, standing as still as she possibly could. "Caleb," she said sounding breathless "you shouldn't be here, just… go as far away as you possibly can okay? Just… please Caleb."

He took hold of her hand "No," he said "I didn't leave when we were in Quantico and I'm not leaving you now."

"Caleb," she sighed "I can't stand the idea of you getting hurt because of me."

Caleb raised his eyebrows at her because it was too late for that even if he had taken the words slightly out of the situations context. "Just shut up and let the man do his job," he said as he tightened his grip on her hand.

Shelby looked at him with something like regret lingering in her gaze "Caleb, what I said back in Georgia-" she said

He shook his head "It's okay," he said "now just keep your eyes on me okay?" he asked softly.

Shelby nodded her head slowly "Okay," she said.

"Alex is in pieces," he said as he brought a hand up to tuck a stray bit of hair behind her ear "called me in a panic, I broke several laws just to get here."

Shelby smiled sadly "One of my biggest regrets is-"

"-We're not doing this," He interrupted "you're not going to unload on me to make yourself feel better if this goes sideways, okay? Because if we _were_ going to do this then I'd tell you my biggest regret is letting you _leave_ without a fight."

He's not too sure how long they're together just holding hands and keeping each other's gaze, he knows his legs ache and they feel stiff, he can't imagine how Shelby's feeling but being together has to be better than not being together right now.

The bomb specialist finally after much tinkering manages to get the bomb diffused and off of Shelby's waist, Caleb's moved and wrapped his arms around her, crushing her to him. It's not entirely awful though, she's got her hands around his neck and something wet is dripping on his cheek and down his neck. He looks at her to find her crying and that's when he realised he was crying too.

"I love you," Shelby said "I still love you, my biggest regret would have been not telling you, Caleb. I love you so much. I've been so foolish… I didn't want you to leave Georgia and I…" she trailed off shaking her head, rushing her words out.

"I love you too," Caleb said, his heart still pounding in his chest. It's been a tense evening and he'd almost lost Shelby again.

* * *

 

* * *

There were questions, lots of questions and lots of coffee. Shelby's free to go once the bureau are satisfied they have enough information; she looks lost at first like she doesn't know where to go or what to do with herself. Caleb leads her out of the headquarters and to his car; he's not leaving her side yet. He's not ready.

"Thank you," Shelby said softly breaking the silence in the car.

"For what?" he asked.

Shelby glanced at him "For being there," she said "I really thought that was it for me."

Caleb clenched his jaw at her words "I wouldn't have let that happen," he said "I should have called to check up on you."

"Caleb what's done is done," she said "I'm just relieved it's over."

"I should've been there sooner," he said "if anything had happened and I didn't _know_ -" he said unable to continue "I love you, I love you so much. I do, I never stopped." He finished.

Caleb felt Shelby place her hand over his which was resting on the gear stick.

* * *

 

It's dark, his bed sheets are soft and he's comfortable. The room is the right temperature and the sounds coming in from outside aren't bothering him. He's content at least.

"I'm embarrassed," Shelby said into the room "how can you still love me after everything? How can you still _look_ at me the same? I wouldn't blame you if you didn't."

Caleb shifted closer to the petite blonde who was on the other side of his bed, using one of his shirts as a nightgown. "I love you because you make me a better me, you always see the best in me and make sure I know it. I almost lost you back in July and for a couple of seconds I got to know how that would feel if I lost you, and tonight. I had to see you when I was in Georgia, Shelby." He said, entwining their fingers.

"I don't deserve you," Shelby murmured.

"It's not about deserving someone or not," Caleb said "I love you; I don't see what's keeping us apart anymore. I've almost lost you twice now, I don't want there to be a third time."

Shelby shifted so they were face to face. "I live in Georgia and you live in New York, that's a pretty big gap." She said.

"I'll ask to be transferred if you don't want to come back to New York," he said.

"You'd come to Georgia?" She asked.

"You're there," He said "that's enough to convince me."

Shelby smiled "You're sweet," she said "what about your mom?"

Caleb squeezed her hand briefly "She'll come around," he said "all I want is you Shelby."

"I don't know what's keeping us apart anymore either," she said.

* * *

 

**1 month later**

"Is that everything?" Caleb asked as he placed another box down on top of another box.

Alex followed behind him looking tired "Somehow this is worse than the training back at Quantico," she commented "who knew one girl could own so many clothes."

"This is _Shelby_ we're on about," Ryan said as he closed the door behind him.

Caleb nodded his head "She had a lot of time to get acquainted with online shopping," he said when a pillow hit him directly in the face.

"Some of the stuff is old and needs clearing out," Shelby commented "thanks for the help though."

Alex smiled tentatively "Anytime," she said.

Ryan placed a hand on the small of her back "That's what friends are for, right Alex?" he said giving her a nudge.

"Yes," Alex said.

Caleb took a step back as Shelby embraced Alex; it had been a long month. His mother had blown up about his relationship with Shelby on top of the news of her moving back to New York and more specifically into his apartment. Shelby and Alex had slowly grown back together as friends; Shelby even called Alex on her excessive drinking.

He's come a long way since Quantico.

Caleb's good at what he does, he has friends he can rely on and he has a girlfriend he loves. Things may not be _perfect_ but it feels pretty perfect to him. He's constantly reminded every single day that he is capable of anything as long as he sets his mind to it which is a reminder he needs every so often.


End file.
